Greetings ya filthy animals,
I woke up, Texted my boss asking for the day off. she didn’t respond so went to work.
Now that’s not what bothers me, work today has been good.
I just got pumped about enjoying the lovely weather.
In case you haven’t noticed, IT’S FUCKING BEAUTIFUL OUTSIDE!!!!!
That is all
I want you to know i wanted to do this.
Just bidding my time, waiting for you to come to me.
Like I knew you would. It’s been a long time coming.
with each swing of steal against your flesh,
with each crack of your bones,
I slowly lose myself in the void that is my mind.
Silent screams because i don’t want anyone to hear me,
but I need to release the agony that’s trapped inside like a bomb.
Hands curled into fists. Blood dripping from where my nails have dug to deep.
Please make it stop.
I don’t know what I’m doing here
I don’t understand the way the people act.
I’m a lost traveler. A nomad.
I wander from here to there never knowing when i’ll stop,
Never knowing when i’ll find home.
I keep going until I reach the sea, but even then I keep going.
Hey urchins,
It’s amazing how we can go from sunny spring weather to snow falling in buckets. Where was this snow on Christmas? Seriously though where was it?
So here we are sitting at work, dead, waiting for god knows what.
I’M BORED.
It’s not even the pretty snow, It’s the stuff that turns into slush.
And then depression hit hard.
cue the tears and screaming.
ugh even this isn’t lifting my flawless spirits.
later, Adair
It has been a few days since i graced you with my voice. So let’s get to it.
Over the weekend I’ve had time to reflect and think about some things that kind of worry me and question my emotional state of mind.
First: I understand that everyone is different, so emotions are different.
Second: We have evil people in the world and kind, compassionate people, and the people in between.
Lastly: we could be any of those things but choose to be something else.
Now back to this epiphany i had. i guess i finally realized what a cold emotionless robot i really am when it comes to matters of the heart and feelings. now, I do know i am rude, mean, hateful. Grade A Bitch. Everyone else knows it to. The kicker is when people cry or get upset about stuff or Find out terrible things about their family, get betrayed. They cry.
But me, I won’t cry. sometimes i can’t cry. I don’t have the urge to cry. even when my ex best friend called me all these things. i didn’t cry, when my sister got taken away i didn’t cry for her loss. when my birth mom betrayed me in the worst way i didn’t shed a tear, when get hurt and people throw shit at me i don’t cry. when my mom bribed me to lose weight and told me no boy would ever want me i didn’t cry. when i was manipulated and abused i didn’t cry.
out of all of these things i didn’t cry because i wouldn’t let myself. I would just take it all in. I think i took all the pain and directed it into a rage i carry with me everyday I’ve erected a wall so high and so strong it’s impossible to interpenetrate. I was raised knowing that crying was a weakness.
It’s something i still believe.
So i won’t cry. Not ever.
i have a stories for all you cuties but first we need back story. here we go:
I work at a donuts shop every Saturday. i used to work there full time ( “Full time”)
anyway i worked Tuesday – Saturday 6-12 with the same person, my ex-best friend. we had been friends for fifteen years. THAT’S A LONG FUCKING TIME TO PUT UP WITH SOMEONE.
fast forward, i moved out of my parents house and into a town house with two of my friends Grace and Naomi who happens to be this turd face’s cousin. I don’t know if that has anything to do with this story but it might be a factor i haven’t considered.
fast forward again, randomly of the clear blue sky she blocks me from everything and cuts me of from her sorry ass life. now being the cold hearted bastard that i am doesn’t process what’s happening BUT I FUCKIN APOLOGIZE!! For something i didn’t do?
what she said, ” I just don’t like who you have become. you’re a bitch and i feel like you use me and you never hang out with me. ”
Insert apology here.
so we have had radio silence for about four months.
Until yesterday. i was craving a Donut. i went into the show got my donut, didn’t say a word to her didn’t make eye contact because i’m mature. (This Is Horse shit)
i leave and go to work, have and great day, but that night as i’m eating dinner with my roomie she asks me did you say anything to her at work. I said nope didn’t do a goddamn thing.
Apparently my presence was so upsetting she had to sub tweet about me.
FUCKING SERIOUSLY?
“So glad i ditched that bitch.” where her words.
Now that you have the story could you see where the screwed upness is? how is it i’m made out as the bad guy? No good reasons where given to why she really dropped Me. I cried, then got mad because i cried. i”m better then that. i’m stronger then that. Needless to say I’ll probably be forever confused.
Moral of this story: Don’t have friends, read books.
This has been a trip. Bye
Adair
Good Morning Fuckups
It’s a sunny one. take heart in that.
Just need to get the pleasantries out of the way before i go ape shit.
So make sure you have a great day and don’t let psycho bitches get to you because they aren’t worth your precious anger.
in loving hatred,
Adair
I might Start to post chapters from this book i’m trying to write.
Try being the operative word. I’ve been “Writing” This book for two years.
lets see of it actually happens.
Trying to get famous sucks.
-Adair
A lot has happened in the past year. I’ve lost friends, gained new ones, and built a an even bigger wall around my heart. Go Me!
No seriously though. I’ve learned a lot about myself and the world we live in. How people you thought you knew were actually scum bags, shit on the earth. judgmental bastards they were.
How you realized that in a year you could become someone your parents wouldn’t recognize. That if they saw the ugly dirty person you’ve become they….
you get the gist, Don’t be an ugly dirty person.
simple as that.
keep it positive or not it’s your choice.
-Adair
I Think My Name's Adair 